This article is somewhat of a personal book report after I read "Move Closer Stay Longer" by Stephanie Burns. I highly recommend that anyone with fears buy her book and read it. This article is how the book spoke to me.
All fear is about loss!
Loss of love,
Loss of control,
Loss of self-esteem,
Loss of life,
Loss of confidence,
Loss of health,
Loss of money,
Loss of friendship,
Loss of respect
etc.
Each situation where we experience fear has a connection to the
perception of losing something.
Maybe the first step we need to take about dealing with our fear
issue is to get very clear about what the loss is that relates to
that fear.
When we specifically think about riding we may have:
1. Fear of loss of balance, thus falling off
2. Fear of lack of sufficient knowledge about how to read the horse
and what to do about it
3. Fear of uncertainty about future events (like things you want to
do but haven't done yet, examples may be cantering or trail riding)
FEARS ARE REAL AND THEY DO GROW!
When these real fears grow your brain goes into survival mode and
usually helps you find ways to avoid doing the activities that cause
the fear.
There are people who even being above their horse
while sitting on a fence makes them queasy with fear and have learned
to overcome the fear being able to ride again. So no matter what fear you are facing, I am sure that you will be able to overcome it.
Sometimes after a bad experience we spend too much time mulling over
what we have done wrong, what we could do now that would be different
with a different outcome. This is not a great idea! We can succeed in
scaring ourselves way more than the injury warranted.
We all hate that guilty, whipped feeling when we fail to get on, or
do whatever it is that we want to do. So we tend to just do over and
over what we are already comfortable doing, which isn't a bad thing
but it does not get us much closer to our desired goal.
We all know that trying to muster up enough power to push through the
fear, to make it go away, or to ignore it just doesn't work.
Instead it may be more profitable to say, "Yeak, I'm afraid right now
so let me see what I can do at this point."
Ask yourself what small step can I take to move a little closer to my
goal?
They will be baby steps for sure, but they are steps non-the less.
Progress does not have to be fast or giant!
Remember one-step at a time. One bite at a time is how you eat an
elephant.
One thing I know is that we have to change our thinking. The power of
thoughts and words cannot be overlooked.
We must begin to tell ourselves that we are good enough, brave
enough, fierce enough, or determined enough to get to our goal.
We are in charge of our choices, and there are absolutely no
expectations upon us to perform accept those we place upon ourselves.
I highly recommend the book “Move Closer Stay Longer” by Stephanie Burns. In the book she suggests the 10-minute rule. Pick something
to do with your horse and stick with it for 10 minutes, if you can do
that you usually will get hooked and the momentum will carry you
through to do more.
I don't want to reiterate to you back the strategies in Stephanie's
book you can read that for yourself. However, I do want to encourage
anyone who has fear issues about riding to concentrate on the
relationship and being a good leader first. Get as much knowledge as
you can about how to accurately read your horse and what to do about
it. This will take away a lot of uncertainty by itself.
There is a lot of pain and frustration tied to our fears. I realized
this while I was at the Amleg clinic a few weeks ago. I was holding
back the range of motion in my arm because of fear. I was afraid that
I would reinjure it or that the pain would be intolerable.
I made a commitment in my heart to forgive myself for the horrible
mistake that I had made with Dolly by going against all that I
believed in natural horsemanship principles and allowing myself to be
influenced by what others thought and were doing. As soon as I
forgave myself for my stupidity, then committed to quit living the
past of that mistake, and not worry about if I might make the same
mistake again in the future, I was free to begin moving my arm again.
I am convinced in my heart that I will continue on my horsemanship
journey safely.
Sometimes I will be the leader, and sometimes I will be led.
Sometimes I will be the teacher, and sometimes I will be the student.
Sometimes I will forgive, and sometimes I will be forgiven.
Sometimes I will have fears, and sometimes I will be brave.
Sometimes I will progress, and sometimes I will reach a plateau.
Sometimes I will succeed, and sometimes I will fail.
Sometimes I will rejoice, and sometimes I will cry.
Sometimes I will feel like I have arrived at a destination, and
sometimes I will feel like I will never arrive.
Sometimes I will be clear and sometimes I will be confused.
Sometimes I will rush and sometimes I will be able to take the time
it takes.
But most of all I promise that I will allow myself the freedom to
just be in the fullness of the moment and savor the enough ness of
each moment spent with my horse no matter what I am doing.
I have been amazed at how people at my classes are supporting each other concerning their fears. Often times by helping others they overcome some of their own fear issues.
|
|
